It's the middle of summer here in southwest Ohio. Hot, humid, sweltering, the sound of cicada's drum in the air constantly, the birds are chirpping and darting all over, enjoying the flowers, and berries and insects that are in abundance. I caught some pictures of a lightening storm the other night after house church, and that was incredible...up on the hill and Ki in the background with a concerned voice, probabably more out of fear, because it was pretty dark up there, and we were the only ones, but she tried her best to convince me to leave, because she has to potty, NOW she says. But, I being stubborn and in awe, was not about to leave just yet and suggested she get out of the car and go on the ground! Well, then she didn't have to go anymore...foiled again! I supposed she worked through her fear of that immediate darkness and the craziness of her mother, because she was stuck with me up there in the dark all by ourselves with a storm coming! Poor kid! But OH the awesomeness of the lightening within the clouds was WOW!

Been reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. We have actually been doing it on Wed nights at house church, figured I needed to get the book and actually do it, too. Another ...Wow!

Been seriously considering the options available to do. OT or Vet tech..and grooming. All I know is I want to take the gifts God has given to me and glorify Him with them. I have a love for animals that is obvious. And even when I was little, I wanted to be a vet. Nothing else. Every experience I had with animals I weighed in my mind, how to treat other's pets/animals. I could very well be the obvious. And here I have run all over creation looking and looking, but it was in my heart the whole time. See what pleasing others does. Get's you into places YOU weren't created for. I am also considering volunteering for Vitas, to love on the pts and families. I know, I know. But, I wouldn't be involved in the bureaucratic side of things. Oh, that would push a few buttons :) Not that it is my intent, just considering the reactions from others. Who blatently took full advantage of me, and then for me to show up in the volunteering side where there is NOTHING they had over my head, but quite the opposite. And to show them what GRACE looks like. (Maybe even get my dog :) Lord lead the way!


Read something this am in Crazy Love....Unapproachable Light...Still chewing on it. The Creator of the Universe is...maybe I struggle more with reverence than intimacy...Idk :)

Just Stop and Think

My Redeeming Lover

Hello, My name is Kari and I have been a spiritual adulterer. I am not in recovery, I am in Renewal.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

I declare that the Word of God and the heart of God can redeem, restore, renew, revive UNCOMPETEABLE. I was dead, and now I live because Christ lives in me. There is not one single solitary thing I can or have done that can compete with the Power of God or the Word of God. Believe me I have tried, unfortunately. That is where I left myself (yes abandoned) as a spiritual adulterer. Wrestled to the end of myself by the one who laid claim on my heart because I asked Him to, and when I tried to reneg, pulled His Authority card, and rightly so. I gave Him permission, when at some point of awareness of His truth, made a covenant with Him and He upheld it, when I found something else I thought I wanted. I Thank You Lord for being faithful to me when I was unfaithful. I am in utter awe that You take our covenant and when i am weak and falling, stand on it because it is a rescue rope, even if I need to be tied up with it or pulled out of a pit with it. It is a connection that cannot be severed. Even when I am unable to uphold it. You do. Thank you is such a small expression, but I am unable to find an expression that could compare... I am speechless when it comes to that, I hope my life song can express loudly, and I'm sure that it is pathetic too. So, sometimes I just sit and soak in Your Beauty and goodness, because I am rendered to a place where that is all I can do.

Last night, I took the girls and went to Apex. Jason spoke on James 4:1-10 James 4

Warning Against Worldliness
1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. 4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us"? 6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.


Wow ~ A Royal busting of the chops. And, answers to how to properly handle "Making War" Spiritual Warfare.
1 John 2:15-17
Do Not Love the World
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

The Desires of the Eyes: Beauty; Body Image; Clothes
The Desires of the Flesh: Approval; Laziness; Sexual Desire; Gluttony
The Pride of Possessions: Collectibles; Property/Stuff; Money; Plaques/Trophys/Certifications.

These We wage war against. Because it all starts with Flirting with them, then making friends with them, then there is a declaration of emnity with God. "Do you want Pleasure OR the of Peace of God?" This is what I repeatedly heard all week. Make a choice. I Choose the Peace of God, and this is WAR against the Pleasure of my flesh that is SCREAMING. But, it will be overcome. Because the Spirit of God that abides within me yearns jealously, and will stop at nothing to draw me and lead me and speak tenderly to my hurting heart or my calm my jumpiness. I can lay down in green pastures and drink from still waters, He restores my soul and I am rescued once again.

And for the first time in my life, I took a stand with my heart. Where in the past, I would just give my heart away to anyone walking by who would take it. Well that lead to much garbage being left in my heart. But, now. My heart belongs to the the One who created it. And I choose to NOT give it away, but to inform anyone seeking my heart to seek the one who is holding my heart. Jesus.

I realize I have been making war against my flesh, and it has thrown all it has back at me. Typical "Accuser of the brethern" style. And has make itself very well presented/flaunted. I have spend much time filling the desires of my flesh with filling that is mush, whipped cream, fluff and stuff, all of which are unhealthy and UNFILLING. Lots of empty calories, filling up fat cells. Not firm, Not worked out making a buoyance that refuses to go deep into the deep things of God. Well Pop, pop, pop. Goes the bubbles. oh that takes me to a conversation and actually many conversations and ones I am deeply thankful for because as he said many times, "Oh, You'll understand eventually, turtle" ...many that left me deeply considering the side of the road they stood on, and the answer is the same as mine was...the middle of the road. Vomit. That's what is in the middle of the road...Lukewarm Vomit. In all of the lessons learned, I learned to Take a Stand and Make war. Much of the last year, has been prepping me for War. I see it now. I didn't then. And the War was to be upon Myself...The War of the Desires of my flesh, because THAT is the Only stronghold the enemy can trip me into. As John Piper says, it's not satan's fault if I go to hell, it's my own fault, for NOT WAGING WAR against my own self.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhAeIjFngyE


I am fighting myself and Christ has won!

Here I am at it again...

Psalm 5
A David Psalm
1-3 Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help.
Every morning
you'll hear me at it again.
Every morning
I lay out the pieces of my life
on your altar
and watch for fire to descend.

4-6 You don't socialize with Wicked,
or invite Evil over as your houseguest.
Hot-Air-Boaster collapses in front of you;
you shake your head over Mischief-Maker.
God destroys Lie-Speaker;
Blood-Thirsty and Truth-Bender disgust you.

7-8 And here I am, your invited guest—
it's incredible!
I enter your house; here I am,
prostrate in your inner sanctum,
Waiting for directions
to get me safely through enemy lines.

9-10 Every word they speak is a land mine;
their lungs breathe out poison gas.
Their throats are gaping graves,
their tongues slick as mudslides.
Pile on the guilt, God!
Let their so-called wisdom wreck them.
Kick them out! They've had their chance.

11-12 But you'll welcome us with open arms
when we run for cover to you.
Let the party last all night!
Stand guard over our celebration.
You are famous, God, for welcoming God-seekers,
for decking us out in delight.

Will you promise not to be afraid...

As I read a sister blogger's description of her young daughter's experience of breaking her arm while doing a cartwheel, and the trip to the ER and all...then she later asks her daughter to promise her that she won't be afraid to do cartwheels once it's healed...BAM the Lord in my face, asks me the same about a much different situation...my heart and loving. After loving DW with my all and the debilitating heartbreak, "will I promise not to be afraid to love like that again?" Ouch....tears are a flown. Will I not board myself up against it? IDK...Will I ever even put myself in a place to even be in another relationship to ever get that deeply in love...IDK...Is there too many memories that would just stir up that pot again and be able to move beyond? IDK and I don't know if I want to know...:( I can Love the Lord, but to put my heart in the hands of another man? IDK. It's the best I can do today. I know He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair...and I know He can, but do I want Him to? Do I want to stay in the place of "where ever I am" and just be happy with whatever this is? Or ...you know I just can't even go there yet. I, yes, and still in recovery mode. Some days able to function, some not.

Accomplishments ~ or the lack there of...

Interestingly enough as I sat to type, "Accomplishments" was the first to pop into my mind...then quickly followed by "or the lack there of..."

The place I am today is quite interesting in itself (pardon the pun). As I find myself in a very self examinatory place, following the loss (hesitation using that word) of my job, my house (note I said house, NOT Home), my cats, my man (per se), and that is only what I can see on the surface. The loss of my salvation is even questionable, very frightful to consider, but it has come to mind, by which the ever gentle leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit that is ever present within me, has lead me to rededicate my heart once again...maybe its a "Layer'er" thing?!?! Each new layer unveiled needs to be Christened? Sounds like it fits... and as far as "losing" those things, while yes they meant a great deal to me, and each one I did not just "possess" but each one I considered a gift from the Maker of the Light, and Giver of Gifts and I also hope that I nurtured, loved and cared for each one as I was intended, especially the "cats and man" part, since they are living creatures. The grief has been so, sooooooo heavy at times, that even looking up was exhausting. I am still in recovery mode and have gained 10 pounds ~ blah. Evidence of emptiness and INappropriate filling. Need I say more...NO.

Accomplishments...Ah, Yes what I have accomplished is of greater value...I am a Grandma to Noah Thomas, THE most handsome young man and when he and his wonderful Mama came to visit (Thank you Most Gracious God) he shared with me most treasured secrets from Heaven...I'm still trying to decifer them, but they are precious non the less! Another accomplishment, twelve years in the making...Katie Marie graduates tomorrow ~ oh how bitter sweet. It seemed so long, but today, it was a short lived time. I am blessed to join in her accomplishment, she blesses me, even though she is 18 and well we all know what goes along with that! But she is a beautiful young woman, who is not afraid to speak her mind, uphold her values and grab life by the horns!

There is much more to add, but I must get going, I have to get my hair trimmed for it has been too long, and even though I have been weighed down very heavily with grief, I do want to atleast look presentable tomorrow!