Still Here :)

I haven't been on here in a long time. No reason, I just Xanga much more. My life is still in His hands, and changing much lately. My step daughter got married, and moved to Washington, and within three days of arriving there, she rolled her truck up in the mountains going up Snoqualmie Pass. They walked away, Praise the Lord for the angels doing a fine job. She got a ticket for speeding in the conditions, she has to learn the ways of the mountains, they are different than Ohio.

I started school. At 40 I am going back for an Assoc. Degree in Medical Assisting. I figure since I've been remarried for 6 1/2 years, and been threw the ringer with this one, I am not on his priority to provide or care for, I had better plan out a better plan for myself and my kids. The kicker was this Christmas we could hardly get them anything. I want to lavish my kids with some nicities, not spoil them, but for cryin'out loud, I can do much better than this pit. I deserve much better than this.

God is refining me while I'm here, but also moving me toward a more productive life for Him and my legacy. I am sorry my husband is not able to be or do what is necessary, and I'm really sorry for who ever taught him how to place blame on others for every problem that comes down the pike. Immaturity at its finest. But, I also came to the crytal clear truth that I am a "harvest stealer," stepping in where others have planted (usually bad seed) to keep the harvest from coming to them, (the consequence of their actions) I believe the world calls this Co-dependency. The boat is rocking hard now, cause I have drawn some serious lines in the sand about being responsible for ONLY MY choices and consequences, and I am no longer placing myself to be responsible for others (mainly my husband) choices or lack of good choices or whatever the case may be. I have confidently stepped out of the role especially inregards to my husband having a small business. He had one, made some really bad choices, would not listen to the Lord or me, rebelled took out a bunch of stuff on credit, couldn't pay it back, wouldn't balance checkbook, blamed all on me and others, and he had to file bankruptcy two years ago, and this has caused much distress and stomach disorders for me, but recently, I released him to the Lord, and told him that if he wants to have another small bus, that it is his baby, he makes all the choices and gets all the repercussions. I'm out. Of course, he took off full blast and wanted to get phones and order business cards, but didn't get too far, cause his credit is shot. He loves to drag me into this problem, even though he was so verbally abusive during the time of his business failing and he placed me as his shield from the creditors, he wouldn't talk to them, he had me do it, so all of the end result, he was (in his own mind) blaming me for it all failing, and says that since we are married this is also my fault. Unfortunately he is stuck in the mindset of constantly thinking about "Whose Fault it is" and it could not possibly be his. This slope is terribly slippery to get out of. But, I'm sure it has everything to do with KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT. The Word of God, clearly explains how to deal with "foolish people" is to not have a conversation with them, they will drag you into the stranglehold. I have totally experienced it, and learned far more than I cared to learn about it. But, I am learning, that I am an Advocate for the underdog, but I also learned that as Advocate'y', as I can be, it still will not change the stubborn mind of a bully. So, the best thing to do is not engage with them.

Ok, enough stuff.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good :)
Even in the pit. . .

Oh, Grace had her puppies two days before the wedding!!! She had 6 but two did not make it. Four are thriving little butter balls, all Chocolate Labrador Retrievers. Gorgeous!!