Sometimes I am amazed at how I can "find" myself in situations with some of the cold heartest people around.

I always knew that he was a little off, but as I sit and contemplate the coldness, selfishness, appalling behavior, It takes my breath away and breaks my heart for "A".

Her conception was cold, drunken, and soon to be revealed, her mother had two other girls by the husband she was cheating on, he was a druggie and drunk, abusive. Her mother found herself out on her own again, and looking for the only way of surviving she knew how, another man. So, when "A" was a baby, @ six months old, a "new man" came into her life. Her mom and he were married, and he became her "Daddy", she had no idea otherwise, or that there even could be anyone else as her father ~ No one. He was it. She was the light of his life. He went through all the legalities and had adopted her so she WAS HIS. They then had a new baby a few years later, a boy! She got to be a "big sister", but she was kind and loving to him, her two sisters were mean and rotten. Then when she was around nine years old, trouble started to happen, "Mom and Dad" separated, they (her mom, 2 sisters, herself and her little brother) moved in with Grandma (her mom's mom), Mom spent much of her time out at bars drunk doing the "men" thing. And then one fateful night, An Aunt, herself, her 2 sisters, and her little brother, were walking from the "park" to "town" it was a busy stretch of road with a sharp curve, as they were walking along the curve in the road, a car passed, and "hit her little brother", he had been too far into the road, he went flying in to the corn field. Maybe the Aunt was drunk or drugged out . They tried every thing to keep him alive, it didn't work. He went to be with Jesus. Life changed traumatically, for the second time. Next, she was sitting in a car driving down the road, and her mother tells her that her "Dad" is NOT her dad, but her "real" dad is coming in from California to meet her, and she should be excited! The test results came back positive, she was his, He is NOW 'DADDY" and the other man, is NOT. This new dad was not the kindest person, he yells a lot, has a terrible temper, and talks badly about her family. He is NOT a safe person. He says he is a Christian and makes her go to Church, and Makes her love God, but, she is still in shock. Next thing, her mother is in the hospital psych ward, and her sisters are with their dad, and she has to live everyday with "this new dad" who is mean. He tries to know what to do, but he doesn't have a clue.

I come on the scene when she is 14, five years after this. I love her immediately, I sense there is something not safe with him, I place myself in a position to be a source of safety for her, and marry him. I don't love him the way someone should to marry someone, I am overly compelled to "suffer" to protect her. I witnessed his rage and temper, and she being so frail and little, she had no one to protect her from him. He criticized so much of what she did, and she still came up for air. She overcame, by the blood of the lamb, and even though time after time the enemy tried to take her out, steal her heart, hurt her, break her heart, she lost her hair, she was so thin, people treated her like a freak, she kept overcoming, and drawing closer to HIM (Jesus) ~ my heart broke, we became kindred spirits, almost immediately. She became my daughter, very soon, my "bonus" daughter. She didn't grow under my heart, but IN it. Purely a blessing from the Lord. I know my calling in life is to be an advocate for the "less thans", against the "bullies" I despise bullies.

She is 21 now and engaged to be married to a wonderful young man (I hope) He loves Jesus, and lives it outloud. Doesn't preach, "do as I say, not as I do", like some people. A wonderful thing has happened recently in her life, her "adopted" dad the one first in her life, has come back into her life. And is so excited to "be" in her life. He has arranged to help her with her wedding. Which is a HUGE blessing. Because, her "biological" father, can not. He has a job, it's been steady for four months, but it's not a big wage maker. Actually, here it is December 13, and we have not been financially able to purchase ONE Christmas present for any of our four children. That is depressing.

I am so glad I have Jesus in the middle of this mess. He is my sanity :)
k