Grace

I am a sinner in need of my Savior.
I found this today, Saturday, in my mailbox, even though it was dated Tuesday ~ strange. But, it was exactly what I needed to read this morning.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007
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In the Time of Need
Bishop E. Earl Jenkins
"Grace to help in a time of need." Hebrews 4:16 (NAS)

Grace reminds us of an ambulance coming to treat someone with a medical emergency. The paramedics offer assistance to the victim on the spot. They dispense immediate grace to the most serious symptoms. Then they slide them into the ambulance, which is equipped with more grace - more medical facilities - to deal with the problem. And as the paramedics are administering more grace to the patient, the ambulance races to the hospital where even more grace awaits. And once the patient is admitted, the hospital keeps dispensing grace to meet the need until the problem has been addressed and the patient can go home again. As the beloved hymn goes: "'Twas Grace that brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me home."
One day Jesus heard our emergency call: "I am a sinner and I need a Savior." He came to earth, found us dying in sin and reached down to save us. And as our High Priest, He also transported us from where we were, to a place that has all the grace we will ever need as long as we live, until we are finally and fully restored at the resurrection and go home with Him. So, how can we have a Savior and High Priest like this and not draw near to Him in prayer? "But I'm tired" you say. That's ok, just draw near. "But you don't understand. I'm hurting and I feel like quitting."
Others may not understand, but Jesus does. Just draw near to Him. He will meet you where you are, then take you to where He is - before the throne that dispenses grace!


Beautiful grace! We even named our dog Grace. But, grace is not too apparent here. No, what is more active is "self preservation."

I cleaned out my rolltop desk last night, and organized my "stuff". It was interesting to say the least. I found a prayer that I used to say to my kids every day before I dropped them off at the sitters or at school, which I had tucked in an old bible cover pocket ~ here it is, I don't know where I found it, but I love it!

Each time you walk out the door,
I pray that a band of ministering angels
will hover around you and protect you
and shield you from harm.
I pray that God will go with you wherever you go,
and you will come back to me safe and sound.
I am thankful for you every moment of my life,
and my prayer is to be with you forever.

These thoughts may sound like something I've said before,
but I don't care if I repeat myself.
I just wanted to tell you one more time,
one more way, how very much I love you.
And if my love is any protection,
you will always be safe, my prayer will be answered,
and no harm will ever dare to come near you.
~ Donna Fargo

Well, theologically, its a little off, but from a mother's heart, it is on target. I know that my "love" is powerless, but I know that the cry of my heart to the Lord, which is where the power comes from, was to keep my kids protected, and tell them how much I am in awe of the depth of joy brought to my life just because they are in it. And my Love, Jesus, has so many times, (that I am aware of) blessed me with the answer of this prayer. One huge one was the house explosion. I am completely confident that the prayers of my heart for years, were answered. They may have been seriously injured, but by miracle after miracle, procedure after procedure, they are both completely restored and well compensated :) Praise You Lord!

I also found in my desk, so many letters from my husband. Not love letters, but letters that point out my sin and how badly I am failing as a wife, and how badly I treat him, or how badly everyone treats him, suicide threats, divorce threats, so many empty words, empty promises, unfortunately no grace, no truth of who I am in Christ, or who he is in Christ. I guess since I have been called stupid and the root of the problem, and a F888888 B9999 so many times, I just turned off. I guess after so long of being accused of being a certain way, I have eventually become that way.

That is where I draw the line in the sand. That is not what The Lord calls me or how He wants me to behave ~ and I, all by myself, will have to stand before my Judge, and give an account for each and every word, thought and deed I have performed. And, I haven't done so well lately. :( 1 Peter 1:17 And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each ones work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear. (This is not a gospel of works, but this is to Believers covered by the Blood of Jesus as the Atoning Sacrifice, because if you "know it and don't do it, to you it is sin" and sin that needs repented of) And John the Baptist preached "Repent for the Kingdom of God is at Hand!"
He sure didn't preach "Waller in your sin, because god doesn't care what you do, just do it as you please"

So, I guess on the way to the Judge, I will agree with the "accuser", confess my injustice, sin, omission, all of it, and beg for grace and mercy. I am so clinging to 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I guess the first one, is I did not want my husband to drive my car this morning, because he "grinds things into the ground, including people", and doesn't take care of anything. He thinks he is mechanic, yet every mechanical item we have in the garage is "broken down". And we are supposed to get this snow today, but my four wheel drive is out and I need a new back tire, but he has his mothers Roadmaster and it needs new tires. So, he wanted to "work" on my car, (hear me SCREAM AHHH) and I said I would rather have a mechanic do it, thank you. (over the past six months we have spent 2,000 at mechanics working on his mothers car, but, my car is not on the list for him to 'pay to work on', and I'm the one hauling kids all over the place) He thinks he is professional at everything, and gets offended when someone else doesn't go along with it. "So I asked him to please drive his own car." And he growled back, "I AM driving my own car". Good. We are in such a "needful" place. and things just fall off into never never land, never to be taken care of ~ I hate that.

I had a visual of all of my "precious" items, very delicate, extremely breakable, on a conveyor belt, on the way to "being taken care of", but instead of "being taken care of", they just fall on the the floor shattering. That is how my husband takes care of our family, kids and me, including himself, he hates himself and doesn't take care of himself, and so I struggle with taking care of myself, because you know, "As goes the head, so does the tail". But, yet is so focused upon himself, and the pitiful life he has, he constantly struggles with considering suicide. I don't struggle with that, but I do struggle with wanting to get the heck out of dodge and away from him. Especially when I see myself, repeating his goofiness. I Hate it. It's evil.

Lord, Please keep my from falling into more bad behaviors, but please place me upon Your Rock and clean me up, so I am pleasing to You again. Obviously, here is part of the cycle, let me cycle up and out because of PREVAILING BELIEF! Into victory.

Man's ways = Potent
God's ways = Impotent

Priceless

oh, last week at my son's wrestling match he took 2nd Place in his weight class!! And the kids who beat him for 1st was 19 wins and 1 loss, last year! He was their teams, best wrestler! I am so proud of him!!!

I got to hang out with A and SIL Kath yesterday, we got to go to Cracker Barrel, and hung out and talked and blessed A because she is such a witness to the amazing restoration that the LORD CAN DO!!! And I get to have a bridal shower for her in February!!! I am super excited for her. Jonny boy is a sweet potatoe! Then we went to the mall and the kids played in the play area, and Ki actually went to talk to santa and sat on his lap and talked to him! It of course was precious!